Sixteen 16-year-old Wendy has never seen her parents work. Her friends call them the scroungers. When her parents mention work, all she hears is one excuse after another. The parents of all her friend’s work, and some do essential jobs. So, she wants some answers.

At breakfast she asks some tough questions:

Wendy: Mommy, why do the neighbours call you the scroungers?

Mommy: who calls us that word?

Wendy: The neighbours

Mommy: why?

Wendy: Because you and daddy don’t go to work like everyone else.

Mommy: Because we don’t need to work.

Wendy: Why’s that mommy, are you disabled in any way?

Mommy: Because we’re exceptional cases

Wendy: What do you mean?

Daddy: Well, you see. Mommy and Daddy are intelligent, but there are no jobs for us out there. We’re too clever for most jobs. The government can’t find mommy and daddy a job relevant to match our intelligence.

Mommy: That’s right, because we’re so clever people we can’t work and earn thousands like Lisa’s parents.

Wendy: Aren’t people responsible for finding their jobs. Why does the government need to find you a job?

Daddy: Because only the government has such jobs, and there’s a long waiting list for employment for clever people

Wendy: So, you can’t work because you’re too clever?

Mommy: yes, so the people who are not so clever go to work and pay taxes. The government pays us money from those taxes to compensate us because there is no work. So, for not working, we get a free house, free medical care, free schooling and if we have more children, the more benefits we get.

Wendy: Are the working people not going to get mad at that. they work and pay for everything you get for free

Mommy: No, Wendy, that will be called welfare and class discrimination. There are laws in place to stop such discrimination.

Wendy: When I get older, I will pass my A’ Levels, go to university to find a job and pay my fair share

Mommy: that’s up to you. But if I were you, I’d find a boyfriend and have a baby in your early teens.

Wendy: Why?

Mommy: because then you get everything for free, and you won’t need to work while you bring up baby. The state will take care of you.

Wendy: I want to work and buy a big house and enjoy holidays and be with my friends

Mommy: Very ambitious, darling. But why work when you can get everything for free

Wendy: Do you and daddy have lots of money

Mommy: most of the time, we live on tick

Wendy: What is a tick?

Mommy: Credit, we have credit with every store in the village. How do you think we pay for your holidays?

Wendy: I don’t know

Mommy: with a credit card. We can’t have all your schoolmates going on holiday, and you miss out.

Wendy: How do you repay it?

Mommy: it doesn’t matter if we can’t, because everything in this house belongs to someone else so the bailiffs can’t take it.

Wendy: What do you mean?

Mommy: The 55-inch TV belongs to Uncle Jeff.

Daddy: The Hi-Fi belongs to Uncle Wills and the three laptops we use, including yours, belong to Aunty Jean. We pay for the Sky subscription, and the equipment belongs to Sky. So, if the money men came to collect from us, we have nothing for them, so the debt is written off. That’s why we’re clever. we end up owing nothing.

Wendy: Lisa’s parents don’t have a big TV, and I’ve heard her dad say they can’t afford Satellite TV and a giant computer. He also wants a new car to get to work, but can’t afford one. He was asking me how we could afford it all on benefits. Her dad said he was considering giving up work. he told his wife you both sit on your fat arses every day and would like to join ‘the something for the free economy’ and get everything given to you for no effort.

Mommy: what a horrible thing to say. We pay our dues and receive our fair share.

Wendy: what dues do you pay?

Mommy: we report every two weeks to the Jobcentre, fill in the forms and complete a list of the jobs we’ve applied for. They stamp our cards to be sure we get what we’re entitled to.

Wendy: I thought entitlement came with responsibility for doing what is right and working to help pay for all the services we receive

Mommy: entitlement is open to everyone regardless of what they do. Rich folk work, pay taxes, we collect the benefit of their hard work without the stress and bullshit.

Wendy: Well, I would still like to earn my money and pay my way.

Daddy: So, when you become successful, but not as clever as mommy and daddy, will we get money from you?

Wendy thinks awhile. No. You won’t. Why should I go out, meet my daily expenses, pay my taxes and then give you both money you’ll waste? That’s why the neighbours call you the scroungers.

Daddy: Are you saying you won’t help your parents in time of need?

Wendy: you’re two very clever people. Work it out for yourselves